I'm becoming a robot

I'm upset. I'm not able to live or share my passion - music and geography, history and current affairs. I can eat, live and breathe music and everything about the arts (except art, as in painting/drawing. Sorry..can't seem to figure this out) but I feel so stifled doing things that I don't like, such as explaining what an office is, how to file documents, etc.

Oh, did I mention that it's because the powers that be say so, and therefore I must be. Whatever happened to pursuing and living one's passion? It's absolute bull! Because the powers that be say that I am to fit into the needs of the system, hence I have to do as I am told. Sure, the system is moving along but I am not! But I tell you, it's going to be counterproductive because there is no life in me when I have to do things I do not like and it will affect all who are in this with me.

Doesn't that explain why we are all robots? Because we are not allowed to live our passion but rather, we have to live according to expectations. We can't do things we are good at? This is, in essence, life in this Little Red Dot. It's misery, I tell you. If we are talking about nurturing, flourishing and developing, I think it's more like doing that for the system so that the system becomes successful. Afterall, the needs of the system are more important. It's hellish to do things that doesn't allow me to be who I am. Is there personal development? I don't know. If there is personal development in anyway, I'll be positive and say that well yeah, I learnt and grit my teeth through times when I'm miserable doing things I absolutely hate.

So please, don't tell me about meeting needs or don't even ask if I'm coping if there's nothing one chooses to do to help with the problem of coping. I'm only doing it because I have to. I'm not even shirking from my responsibilities but all I need is a little support. I really wish I could be in music or some other humane subject but oh well, c'est la vie! I'm alive but not quite living at work. I like being with my students and all but when it comes to things that have to do with the powers that be, I hate being in the job. I like the way my aunt says it - "It's a big order for a little lady."

Actually, I can figure it out. That's because I'm a little shrimp. The answer is as simple. I'm just a little shrimp. No matter how and what I say, I can never be heard. Anyone heard a little shrimp speak before?

I'm becoming a robot. I'm becoming a robot. I'm becoming a robot. I'm becoming a robot. I'm becoming a robot. I'm becoming a robot. I'm becoming a robot. I'm becoming a robot. I'm becoming a robot. I'm becoming a robot. I'm becoming a robot. I'm becoming a robot. I'm becoming a robot. I'm becoming a robot. I'm becoming a robot. I'm becoming a robot. I'm becoming a robot. I'm becoming a robot. I'm becoming a robot. I'm becoming a robot.

I'll just never be able to live up to who I am. Who am I? I don't know. A robot, perhaps.