I like Chopin

I have always loved music.  My parents sent me for my first music lesson when I was just a little under 4 years old and my life has been so colourful.  For sure, I am nowhere near the classical masters but I am thankful for the fact that I am able to appreciate them, their works and be able to try some of their masterpieces (and try not to butcher them as I do it!).

I like Chopin's pieces in particular.  His pieces, just like Franz Liszt's,  are highly technical.  However, between him and Liszt, I say that Chopin's pieces 'sing' more.  Liszt's pieces...erm, let's just say that anyone with smaller hands struggle (I speak from experience. Try Hungarian Rhapsody and you get the point.).  

Evgeny Kissin playing Chopin's Revolutionary Etude...those fingers! OMG!  (mine resemble the elephant walk)

Another of Chopin's.  Loved it since I was 8.  Heard it being played beautifully when I was at the Fullerton Hotel recently

 

This piece drives me nuts.  I wait for the day I can play it without sounding like a shipwreck

The sad thing is that I don't have a piano in my apartment in Jakarta.  It will be a long time before I actually get the pieces right the way they should be since I don't get to practise at all. 

Oh yes, a Steinway & Sons will be ideal.  No need to propose to me with a diamond ring - just a Steinway & Sons piano. Otherwise a Bosendorfer or an upgraded Yamaha from my current one is good.  But if he wants to throw in a diamond ring as well, I won't say no :p 

And this would be perfect too :)

I can't wait!!!!

This is where Seasons 1 and 2 of Downton Abbey left us with.  The long-drawn beautiful story between Matthew Crawley and Lady Mary.

Oh, Maggie Smith, you're so fine!!!

AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!  Season 3 begins in a few weeks!!! I CANNOT wait...OMG!!!

Will someone sneak it to me in Jakarta?

Oops, they did it again

Again.  But I really shouldn't be complaining/bitching about it, should I?  After all, this is the country where transport is world class.  But why is it happening all too often and at the most inconvenient time when everyone is rushing to work?  Delays were certainly beyond the 10 - 15min frame.  In fact, for the whole day, the entire line was ineffective.  This couldn't have come at a time when the company responsible has been scrutinised and fined for their massive breakdown just before Christmas last year.  

I think the system is not able to cope with the surge in the number of commuters.  When the system was conceived and developed 27 years ago, they didn't foresee that the population growth would be what it is today.  For sure the system in here is far younger than the system in cities like London but I think what makes people upset is the fact that they have been told that the transport here is first and world class and then only to have it fail them.  

In as much as such frequent breakdowns are a hassle, one should be grateful that there are alternatives.  Perhaps it is time to take such things in our stride.  Since the Little Red Dot wants to model itself after major cities in the world, such transportation breakdowns are a part of it since they happen ever so often in major cities. 

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Random thought of the day:

I want to keep my hair long again.  I miss my long hair and what I can do with it.  Short hair is good, especially while running.  But I want my long hair back before I grow old and bald with nothing left on the head.

Home for the break

This is wonderful!  It is only 5 weeks into the school term and I have a 2 week break.

Que sera sera

Happy National Day, Singapore!  I am Singaporean no matter where I am in this world.  My prayer is for God to grant the leaders of the country wisdom so that they are able to govern the country, based on democracy, so as to achieve happiness, prosperity and progress for the nation.  

Left school earlier so that I could nap and watch the National Day Parade on TV.  But halfway through the programme, I Skyped with A and didn't bother with the rest of the Parade.  

Talking to her always makes me think about my life.  She struggles with issues like time management, finding her balance in parenting and *gasp* married life (dealing with the hubs, the in-laws).  It overwhelms me to think about the fact that I have to go through that when the time comes.  

I don't think I am afraid of having to deal with things.  I think I am more afraid of screwing up than anything else.  And I think that it is this fear of screwing up that has held me back more than ever.  What an irony, considering that I see myself as someone adaptable and adventurous.  But the thing is this, that in a relationship, it isn't just my life that I will screw up but it will also screw up the life of another and others.  

But I think God has mysterious ways of preparing me.  It is through friends and family and perhaps, even through my students, that have allowed me to shape what I would like or to achieve where being settled down is concerned.  Before I go into that, I hate it when people pity or feel sorry that I am steps away from that and offer to set me up with a blind date.  I appreciate their kindness and intentions but at the end of the day,  it is I who will be in the relationship and it is I who will enjoy the fruits or suffer the consequences.  Not them.  Therefore, it is I who will decide.  (You see, it's the head-strong me showing itself now). 

When I see what people go through, I think to myself about what I would like and not like.  I know that the truth is often far from the ideal but nonetheless, I think it is good to have a 'structure' as some sort of a guideline rather than be absolutely clueless about what things should and ought to be.

Some things I have established:

1. I must like my other half as a friend first because I am sure there will be days where we argue and don't feel lovey-dovey yet still like and respect him as a person, as a friend.  Without that friendship element, I think the relationship is as good as dead.

2. Eve was created from Adam's rib (Genesis 2:22) for a couple of reasons

a) God didn't take a bone from his head so that she would be above him nor a bone from his foot so that he could crush her.  Instead, God, in His wisdom, took a bone from Adam's side (his rib) so that Eve is his equal and his co-worker.

b) The rib is by Adam's side so it means that he can hold her and protect her with his arms.

c) The rib is close to Adam's heart so that Eve is close enough to his heart for him to love her.

I think this is such a wonderful effect about what God intends for a relationship between a man and a woman.  It is a partnership.  It is friendship that is made divine through God because He is love. 

3. And this takes me to the next point: the philosophical question on who the man should love more and therefore save from a sinking boat - his wife or his mum?  This is a tough one (that's why it is philosophy...daaannnggg!!) and something you hear at Miss Universe in the 'tough questions' section where the judges decide beauty or brains OR beauty and brains.  Tough question but hmmm...here goes my answer. *cues music in....Chopin's Nocturne in C# minor a la from the film 'The Pianist'*

I will tell my mum-in-law that she has done a great job in bringing her son up and I love her so because she is the mum of my husband and because I love her for being her.  

Then I will go up to the husband and tell him I love him very much and thank him for choosing and loving me.  I will apologise to him that I have to do what I do and jump off the boat.  (So drama!!)

Why?

a) I don't want the husband to have to make such a difficult choice in having to choose between the 2 most important women in his life and thereby having to live with the guilt that he 'killed' one of them as a result of his decision. 

b) When I am gone, he can look for someone else who will be able replace me to love him and take care of him the way I had before.  But he cannot find someone else to replace his mum.  

These are thoughts that cross my mind after an intensive session.  Heavy stuff but they are things that make me weigh my values and my moral consciousness, as well as how and what drives me.  Maybe they are purely philosophical, all in the thoughts, which is why I don't and am not living it out now.

Like what A says, I should pray and ask God to be merciful lest I have to deal and struggle the way she does.  Maybe that's when things will happen.  I think I have been so lalala about things and never really thought or prayed about a life partner so that's why nothing is happening for me.  Maybe God already has things in store and is just waiting for me to prayer before He unleashes everything to me (Oh...help, help, helpppppp!!!!  Can I deal with a snoring man who will also fart in bed?)

I wish life was easy and I didn't have to deal with such tough questions (which yes, yes, yes, like what everyone says, will bring the most beautiful moments and memories ever).  Que sera, sera.  Whatever will be, will be.  I will be good and be in tune with God.  

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Actually, I think I got lost in my thoughts and ended up spewing things that I didn't quite plan on writing but I am not going to delete them.  Sorry, poor friend, for having to deal with my state of mind.  But I am harmless.  I really am. *meow*

Life unexpected

I mentioned previously that I am now in Indonesia.  What brings me here?  Teaching.  Truth is, I have always been an adventurer at heart so while I am still able to move around without any strings to hold me back, I shall venture.

But why Indonesia, you might ask.  To be honest, I have NEVER ever dreamt in my life that I would find myself working and living in Indonesia.  All my life, I thought that if I lived overseas, it would be somewhere in Europe, particularly England since I lived there for 4 years and discovered myself.  I suppose for practical reasons, Indonesia is a sensible place to be since it is just 1.5 hours from Singapore.  But I think learning to live in a whole new culture and a completely different environment is a challenge that I want to take on.  

I suppose God has exciting plans for me to be here.  Maybe I will teach someone who will grow up and do something that will change the world for the good of mankind.  Maybe I can serve God in some way (well, teaching is service in a way, isn't it?).  Or something bizarre (with that snigger and pinch of salt): maybe the love of my life is already somewhere on this vast archipelago and is waiting for me to claim him.  So many possibilities because nothing is impossible with my God.

The past month has been interesting and has surprised me in so many ways.

1. Indonesia is live-able.  Contrary to what many people have told me and warned me, based on their preconceived notions and hearsay from whatever sources, I have taken on and adapted to life in Jakarta very easily.  For sure, I had my apprehensions but common-sense and heeding the advice of those who have lived in Indonesia and ARE Indonesians has made all the difference. God has been good and has sent His angels to watch over me. Nonetheless, I will not take things for granted and let my guard down.

2. My students have been an interesting bunch.  They are same yet different from the students I have worked with in Singapore.  One thing for sure, is that they are much nicer and more polite than the students I had in Singapore.  It is nice to hear random "Hello, Miss!" along the corridor, suffice to say that there are some who just don't care simply because.  It does help to have a small class.  Having taught up to 44 in a class before, to have just 20 is a dream.  By the standards of this school, 26 is deemed a big class.  What can I say?  Thank God for the experience in Singapore.  My smallest class has a grand total of 5 students.  

3. Maid culture here is BIG.  It is not rare to see families with more than 1 or 2 maids accompanying them at an outing to the shopping mall.  I was told that some families have up to 10 maids - each child has an individual maid, then there is a maid who does the cooking, and another maid that does the cleaning and another maid that looks after the elderly and another maid that does the gardening, etc.  The first thing that comes to mind is that labour here must be cheap. True, their wages may not be fantastic at all but in another sense, it is giving these maids employment and something to do in their lives than to remain unemployed.  But the impact it has on the kids is another story to be told.  I have an issue with kids who cannot do their own thing, like carry their own schoolbags for one.

4. Shopping malls are BIG too.  Honestly, there really isn't very much to do in Jakarta except to go to malls.  That is why there are malls everywhere (and I live within walking distance of 2).  It does get boring after a while because malls are malls are malls.  But it is the only place where one gets to enjoy air-con and while away time on a weekend.  Drinking and partying is another but I have past my prime so that is a no-go for me.

5. Massages.  I have spoilt myself by going for a massage at the end of the week and a foot reflexology sometime in the middle of the week.  They don't cost much at all.  In fact, they cost only a fraction of what it would cost in Singapore.  And the best part is that they are good!  

6. Infamous traffic jams.  Macet.  Jakarta comes to a gridlock with the convergence of vehicles in the city.  It doesn't shock or surprise that a 8km journey takes 2 hours.  I have learnt to take it in  my stride when I am caught in one.  I constantly remind myself orang sabar disayang Tuhan ('patient people are loved by God') so ooohhhhmmmmm.....

Come to think of it, I will not be surprised if I live in Indonesia for a long time but perhaps, not in Jakarta.  It is far too polluted.  To some, the wealth the city generates is the soul but to me, culture is the soul.  As I said before, I don't know why I am here but while I am here, I shall make the most of my time. 

I'm back!

It's been a good 3 years and 5 months since I last wrote anything into this blog.  Facebook has changed everything but I think the difference in updating on Facebook is that whatever is posted is current and random.  I think blogging gives more time and space for reflecting.  That's what I like.  I always ponder and think (a bit too much and too hard at times) so I shall blog again.  It has a cathartic effect, especially when sometimes words fail me 'live', in real time.

So here I am in this stage of my life where I am now living overseas, just as I always expected myself to.  But Indonesia is a surprise (more about this another time.)

In the 3 years since I last wrote anything in here, there have been some exciting things.  I shall try to summarise 3 years as succinctly as I can.

Work

After I finished my Masters, I taught in SP until a more exciting job called out to me.  I was paid to travel but it wasn’t an easy job.  I worked with schools (read: painful teachers who had sometimes horrible students and even more difficult parents). 

It was most fantastic because I got to travel lots and lots, shared my experiences and knowledge with students.  I worked with schools to plan English Language, Literature, History, Music and Art learning journeys.  I even had an interesting one to plan – Food & Nutrition, Science and Art in one trip to Australia. 

The joy of travelling

The trips spoke to me because books came alive.  They no longer were just words out of pages but they were living histories and the present.  I truly enjoyed sharing the world with students who may otherwise just live in their own world without realising that the world is such a big place and that we are mere specks of micro-organisms on this planet.  Sometimes when I see the beauty of places I go to or just marvel at the ingenuity of things, I am so humbled and in awe at the same time that there is a God who creates and a God who gives life and wisdom to His creation.  And this is the same God who loves me truly, madly and deeply. 

But alas, I had to move on.  It was painful to stagnate and be marching on the spot (hentak kaki) because I felt that I wasn’t reaching my potential and I was stifled intellectually.  This was driven home by the fact that some of the schools and teachers I worked with did not see the value of my work because they worked for the Ministry of Education and therefore I am no one.  I knew and I know that I am capable of doing better than to be stifled.  It wasn’t fair nor justified the knowledge that I have that is waiting to be shared with people (students) who were worth it.

I have sacrificed travelling, my love, to allow myself to grow and move intellectually.  So here I am.  I find myself in Indonesia teaching.  The experience so far has been better than I thought and living in Indonesia has been much better than I expected.  I will share more as I update this (hopefully not in 3 years’ time!)

SIGNIFICANT EVENTS

Here are some of the things that have been very significant to me since 2009.

Tya (b. 2009)

My Tya bum-bum

Not my birth child but I love her so, so, so, so very, very, very, very much.  She is BFF Agnes’ baby and indeed a miracle child.  BFF Agnes and her hubs were trying very hard for a baby and Tya bubba is a God-sent.  I loved her the moment Ag told me that she was pregnant and was amazed when I met her for the first time when I accompanied Ag at the ultra-sound scan in her 6^th month of pregnancy.  When I carried her for the first time, when I saw her first smile and heard her first laughter, to her first steps, her first words….this has to be love because I don’t have the words to describe what I truly feel.  If I love Tya this much, I can only love my own children in future so much more.  But if I don’t get married and have my own, I will not be angry, sad nor regretful (ok, I might be, a tad bit.  But only for a while).  Because I have loved Tya.  Now I know why people have many children.  They make you become a better person and they show you that everyone has the capacity to love.      

Operation (2010)

Living life!

This must have been the most uncertain thing that happened.  But it was a life-saving and life-changing operation.  I finally said ‘yes’ to have my heart defect corrected.  I lived with it for 32 years and I can only say ‘Thank you, God’ for His mercy.  He could have taken my life even before my Mum gave birth to me but He gave me the chance to live.  And for 32 years, He kept me alive and even gave me the opportunity to live my life more fully and abundantly (not that it was empty before). 

The operation was massively major.  My whole system shut down.  My heart stopped so I was ‘dead’ for about an hour or so.  The only way I was kept alive was the fact that the medical team had a machine that gave my blood oxygen when I was ‘dead’.  It seemed that my blood pressure fell to dangerously low levels that I was at risk of getting a stroke.  My lungs collapsed during the operation.  That was why when I regained consciousness, I had to learn to breathe.  Learn to breathe, can you beat that?  Taking air into my lungs was painful and simple things like getting in and out of bed, sitting down and getting up from a chair hurt if I wasn’t careful. 

Today, my physical fitness is better than ever.  I remember crying at the top of the stairs at the MRT station when I came out of medical confinement after 6 weeks.  I could breathe properly.  I wasn’t panting and gasping for air.  I never knew, for 32 years, how it felt to have felt the way I did at the top of the stairs at the MRT station.  I can now run and not be weary, and I can now walk and not feel faint (Isaiah 40:31).  I know that my future husband won’t have to suffer the pain of losing me and the baby when I am pregnant because my heart and my health have been renewed by a God who gave me life.  And because of this life God has so graciously given me, I am even more certain that there is a purpose in life.  Whatever the purpose, whatever the reason, I know that I was created to reflect His glory.  This is my reason for living.

Piano (2011)

Hello and goodbye

The gift of music is probably one of the most beautiful things from God.  And I am thankful that He gave my parents the means to give me the opportunity to learn and to appreciate music.  For 28 years, I had my old Pearl River piano.  I played my first tunes, practised my scales, rolled out ridiculously insane pieces on it.  Yet at the same time, it was my comfort and my joy.  But after 28 years, it started giving way and I had to say a painful goodbye to it and replace it with a Yamaha U1.  I remember the day the movers came and I actually cried when they rolled the Pearl River piano away.  In came Yamaha U1 and I had a mix of feelings.  Would it understand me the way the Pearl River had for the last 28 years?  Would it be capable of expressing what I feel each time my fingers touch it?

The Yamaha U1 is the biggest purchase ever in my life.  I have never spent that much money on anything before (OK, maybe for the cost of doing my Masters but that is a different thing).  And I love it.  I absolutely do.  I love the way it feels under the skin of my fingers.  I love the touch of the keyboard.  I love the way it sounds.  For some reason, my connection with the piano has given me an idea of what I want in my relationship with my Other Half. 

1. Strong and steady – The piano is strong, steady and unmovable (unless it has to…ha!) Doesn’t have to be a hunk.  A handsome face and fit, lean body doesn’t always equate with strong and steady.  Strong and steady is good so that I can lean and hold on to him and count on him to protect me. 

2. Tolerates my mistakes – I am human.  I am not perfect.  I make mistakes.  My piano allows me to make mistakes without judging me and gives me the chance to make myself right through practice and hard work. 

3. Does not have to be perfect - The piano it is not perfect and the strings come loose from time to time and go out of tune.  What can I expect from a human?  No need to be physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually perfect.  As long as he is tuned to God, the origin and epitome of perfection.

4. Gives me hours of pleasure – The joy of being together.  No need to say much.  Just being in each other’s company, like how my piano keeps me company.  One can interpret ‘pleasure’ in so many ways :p *wink*

5. Works with me to produce something beautiful – The piano is just another thing on its own.  I can’t make any music without the piano.  Together, we work to produce something beautiful.  This, to me, is what makes a relationship beautiful.  (Hohoho!  Think Batman and Robin.  The Dynamic Duo.)

Ha!  I have said too much.  I meant to just summarise 3 years but I have let go of more.  Next time then.  The blog shall stay alive for as much and for as long as I try to keep it alive.  Come back for more (if you have survived this reading!)