It's been a good 3 years and 5 months since I last wrote anything into this blog. Facebook has changed everything but I think the difference in updating on Facebook is that whatever is posted is current and random. I think blogging gives more time and space for reflecting. That's what I like. I always ponder and think (a bit too much and too hard at times) so I shall blog again. It has a cathartic effect, especially when sometimes words fail me 'live', in real time.
So here I am in this stage of my life where I am
now living overseas, just as I always expected myself to. But Indonesia is a surprise (more about this another time.)
In the 3 years since I last wrote anything in
here, there have been some exciting things.
I shall try to summarise 3 years as succinctly as I can.
Work
After I finished my Masters, I taught in SP until a
more exciting job called out to me. I
was paid to travel but it wasn’t an easy job.
I worked with schools (read: painful teachers who had sometimes horrible
students and even more difficult parents).
It was most fantastic because I got to travel lots
and lots, shared my experiences and knowledge with students. I worked with schools to plan English
Language, Literature, History, Music and Art learning journeys. I even had an interesting one to plan – Food
& Nutrition, Science and Art in one trip to Australia.
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| The joy of travelling |
The trips spoke to me because books came
alive. They no longer were just words
out of pages but they were living histories and the present. I truly enjoyed sharing the world with
students who may otherwise just live in their own world without realising that
the world is such a big place and that we are mere specks of micro-organisms on
this planet. Sometimes when I see the
beauty of places I go to or just marvel at the ingenuity of things, I am so
humbled and in awe at the same time that there is a God who creates and a God
who gives life and wisdom to His creation.
And this is the same God who loves me truly, madly and deeply.
But alas, I had to move on. It was painful to stagnate and be marching on
the spot (hentak kaki) because I felt
that I wasn’t reaching my potential and I was stifled intellectually. This was driven home by the fact that some of
the schools and teachers I worked with did not see the value of my work because
they worked for the Ministry of Education and therefore I am no one. I knew and I know that I am capable of doing
better than to be stifled. It wasn’t
fair nor justified the knowledge that I have that is waiting to be shared with
people (students) who were worth it.
I have sacrificed travelling, my love, to allow
myself to grow and move intellectually.
So here I am. I find myself in
Indonesia teaching. The experience so
far has been better than I thought and living in Indonesia has been much better
than I expected. I will share more as I
update this (hopefully not in 3 years’ time!)
SIGNIFICANT EVENTS
Here are some of the things that have been very
significant to me since 2009.
Tya (b.
2009)
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| My Tya bum-bum |
Not my birth child but I love her so, so, so, so
very, very, very, very much. She is BFF
Agnes’ baby and indeed a miracle child.
BFF Agnes and her hubs were trying very hard for a baby and Tya bubba is
a God-sent. I loved her the moment Ag
told me that she was pregnant and was amazed when I met her for the first time
when I accompanied Ag at the ultra-sound scan in her 6th month of
pregnancy. When I carried her for the
first time, when I saw her first smile and heard her first laughter, to her
first steps, her first words….this has to be love because I don’t have the
words to describe what I truly feel. If
I love Tya this much, I can only love my own children in future so much more. But if I don’t get married and have my own, I
will not be angry, sad nor regretful (ok, I might be, a tad bit. But only for a while). Because I have loved Tya. Now I know why people have many
children. They make you become a
better person and they show you that everyone has the capacity to love.
Operation
(2010)
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| Living life! |
This must have been the most uncertain thing that
happened. But it was a life-saving and
life-changing operation. I finally said
‘yes’ to have my heart defect corrected.
I lived with it for 32 years and I can only say ‘Thank you, God’ for His
mercy. He could have taken my life even
before my Mum gave birth to me but He gave me the chance to live. And for 32 years, He kept me alive and even
gave me the opportunity to live my life more fully and abundantly (not that it
was empty before).
The operation was massively major. My whole system shut down. My heart stopped so I was ‘dead’ for about an
hour or so. The only way I was kept
alive was the fact that the medical team had a machine that gave my blood
oxygen when I was ‘dead’. It seemed that
my blood pressure fell to dangerously low levels that I was at risk of getting
a stroke. My lungs collapsed during the
operation. That was why when I regained
consciousness, I had to learn to breathe.
Learn to breathe, can you beat that?
Taking air into my lungs was painful and simple things like getting in
and out of bed, sitting down and getting up from a chair hurt if I wasn’t
careful.
Today, my physical fitness is better than
ever. I remember crying at the top of
the stairs at the MRT station when I came out of medical confinement after 6
weeks. I could breathe properly. I wasn’t panting and gasping for air. I never knew, for 32 years, how it felt to
have felt the way I did at the top of the stairs at the MRT station. I can now run and not be weary, and I can now
walk and not feel faint (Isaiah 40:31).
I know that my future husband won’t have to suffer the pain of losing me
and the baby when I am pregnant because my heart and my health have been
renewed by a God who gave me life. And
because of this life God has so graciously given me, I am even more certain
that there is a purpose in life.
Whatever the purpose, whatever the reason, I know that I was created to
reflect His glory. This is my reason for
living.
Piano (2011)
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| Hello and goodbye |
The gift of music is probably one of the most
beautiful things from God. And I am
thankful that He gave my parents the means to give me the opportunity to learn
and to appreciate music. For 28 years, I
had my old Pearl River piano. I played
my first tunes, practised my scales, rolled out ridiculously insane pieces on
it. Yet at the same time, it was my
comfort and my joy. But after 28 years,
it started giving way and I had to say a painful goodbye to it and replace it
with a Yamaha U1. I remember the day the
movers came and I actually cried when they rolled the Pearl River piano
away. In came Yamaha U1 and I had a mix
of feelings. Would it understand me the
way the Pearl River had for the last 28 years?
Would it be capable of expressing what I feel each time my fingers touch
it?
The Yamaha U1 is the biggest purchase ever in my
life. I have never spent that much money
on anything before (OK, maybe for the cost of doing my Masters but that is a
different thing). And I love it. I absolutely do. I love the way it feels under the skin of my
fingers. I love the touch of the
keyboard. I love the way it sounds. For some reason, my connection with the piano
has given me an idea of what I want in my relationship with my Other Half.
1. Strong and steady – The piano is strong, steady and
unmovable (unless it has to…ha!) Doesn’t have to be a hunk. A handsome face and fit, lean body doesn’t
always equate with strong and steady.
Strong and steady is good so that I can lean and hold on to him and
count on him to protect me.
2. Tolerates my mistakes – I am human. I am not perfect. I make mistakes. My piano allows me to make mistakes without
judging me and gives me the chance to make myself right through practice and
hard work.
3. Does not have to be perfect - The piano it is not perfect and the strings come loose from time to time and go out of tune. What can I expect from a human? No need to be physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually perfect. As long as he is tuned to God, the origin and epitome of perfection.
4. Gives me hours of pleasure – The joy of being
together. No need to say much. Just being in each other’s company, like how
my piano keeps me company. One can interpret ‘pleasure’ in so many ways
:p *wink*
5. Works with me to produce something beautiful – The
piano is just another thing on its own. I can’t make any music without the
piano. Together, we work to produce
something beautiful. This, to me, is
what makes a relationship beautiful. (Hohoho! Think Batman and Robin. The Dynamic Duo.)
Ha! I have
said too much. I meant to just summarise
3 years but I have let go of more. Next
time then. The blog shall stay alive for
as much and for as long as I try to keep it alive. Come back for more (if you have survived this
reading!)
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